You might have often come across this scenario where you are not sure what action to take if a person known to you is making the same mistake repeatedly. Now, this can happen at your workplace or at your home. You might be constantly thinking to rectify the problem but you are not getting a way to resolve the issue. You can likely think what would happen if you hurt the other person’s feelings after asking him or her to stop doing the same mistake again.
There are some people who would hardly bother about the other person’s feelings and would express their displeasure by scolding them. On the other hand, there are some who would totally avoid the situation even if the situation is bothering them. We don’t want to be in any of these situations either. When you shout at a person, it might happen that the person starts justifying himself or herself and would ultimately be angry at you and would intentionally make the mistake next time. Hence, your purpose is not solved yet. Again, if you ignore the behavior, the mistake might cost not only you but someone else as well one day.
So, what is the solution to this problem? How to criticize someone without offending them?
Well, let me tell you a story. One of my friend’s mothers used to add more salt while cooking a specific dish. His wife did not like it but was still managing for some time. She was unable to figure out how to tell her mother-in-law about the problem she is facing. If she does not say anything, this problem will keep on happening. If she expresses her displeasure in a bold way, not only her mother-in-law might get offended but also her husband and her father-in-law.
Let me tell you what she did. She went to her mother-in-law when she was cooking that dish in the kitchen. There was no one in the house at that time. When her mother-in-law was about to add the salt, she suggested her if she can add less salt and explained to her the side effects of taking more salt. Her mother-in-law quickly agreed to add less salt after knowing the consequences of taking more salt in your day-to-day diet.
Did you notice how without offending or hurting her mother-in-law, my friend’s wife was able to resolve the situation? So, let us understand the key takeaways from this example.
1. Keep your calmness
Keeping calm under the circumstances mentioned above helps one to think clearly about how to resolve the issue. Never react to a situation. Better understand the situation first. Keep your anger in control. Remember that taking decisions when you are angry comes out to be wrong most of the time. A calm person takes the right decision in the majority of the cases.
2. Discuss with others
If you are not able to find a solution by yourself, discuss it with your close ones, be it your family member or your friends. When you discuss, often you get the right decision. Discussion helps you to gather more ideas to solve the issue at hand.
3. Usage of words
Sometimes, tweaking your words helps you to address the problem in the best possible manner. If you say to the person who is doing the same mistake again and again in this manner, ‘You are a terrible person. How many times do I need to tell you not to turn the TV on? Can’t you see I am studying?’, what do you think the reaction of the person would be? If the other person is sensible enough, he will turn the TV off immediately and apologize to you. However, if the person is not sensible enough, he will start arguing with you and would try to justify himself.
So, the solution is to tweak the words in a positive way. You can say ‘Bro, I have an important exam for which I need to study now. If you turn the TV on, it will distract me. Could you please switch it off for now and turn it on when I am done with my studies?’ If you say in this manner, you are not only addressing your problem but at the same time, you are not hurting the other person and the chances are that he will turn off the TV.
4. Address the insult issue
If you think the other person will get insulted by your comments, you have to try not to make him or her insulted. Make sure that the feedback you are giving is constructive. Constructive criticism will help the person to improve and will not make him or her feel insulted. You can also make sure you are giving feedback on the activity and not making comments on the person. My point is that don’t use any bad adjectives pointing towards the person. This will help you to have a healthy conversation with the individual.
5. Gather the courage
I know you can be hesitant to speak your mind but you also need to realise that the situation will not be improved if you do not speak the truth. Sometimes, if you hold back your thoughts for too long, you will end up frustrating yourself and you will not have any peace of mind. Sometimes, putting forward your thoughts in a straightforward way can resolve the issue. If you don’t find any other way, just speak your mind. If the person you are responding to is aware of your personality i.e of your straightforward behavior, nothing serious is going to happen and your relationship is likely not going to suffer. Most importantly, the issue at hand will get resolved.
Conclusion
I hope you now got an idea about how to criticize without offending others. Leaders in the corporate world must possess this skill to bring out the best in each employee. If you are aware of any other ways to criticize without hurting others, do let me know in the comments below.
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